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Unproduced Scripts

KiramidHead

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I think it's obvious, even without knowing the shit Red went through while writing the script, that he just stopped caring about it further into the writing. It is a very bad and ridiculous script, but i didn't mind some action and gore moments, and only for that i could call it a guilty pleasure read.
When the cow aliens were blocking the road and mooing, I started laughing so hard I had to stop reading for a while.
 

KiramidHead

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Alien III, by William Gibson - Revised First Draft
This was actually a lot less muddled than I remembered it being. It's really only a handful of things that make it feel too busy, like the random team of marines who show up only to die three pages later, three queens, random shit like the power loader cameo, the nonsensical Sulaco aliens, etc. And I do think that the people transforming into aliens stuff is maybe a little too off the beaten path, although in a post-prequel world what with the random magic goo and chestbursters playing charades with annoying robots, it doesn't seem so bad. I think I'd prefer it if they were described more like the alternate Fifield monster from the Prometheus deleted scenes. Oh, and the Rocky IV moment where East and West come together at the end is maybe a bit much.

Otherwise, this is a solid sequel. Anchorpoint is an interesting setting, reminding me of the Von Braun from System Shock 2 in certain respects. The space cold war stuff, while a bit on the nose, works fairly well and could be easily revised into something less obviously pulled from real life with some dialogue and description tweaking. And it doesn't randomly kill characters off in the opening credits just because it can, so that's a plus. The zero g fight at the end is a badass climax, too.
 

KiramidHead

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Alien III, by William Gibson - 2nd Draft
I like this one as well. The new characters are cut down and given a bit more development, and it doesn't get quite as crazy random as the first draft did in places. I like how Anchorpoint is half finished and all but abandoned, which could have been cool and atmospheric on film. I do think it's hurt by a few things, mainly Hicks being less active in the plot, a less effective climax, and it really not making sense for the characters to insist on blowing the whole station up when there are only two aliens running around, only one of which they know is there for most of it.
 

KiramidHead

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Alien III, by John Fasano - Story by Vincent Ward and John Fasano

There are some interesting ideas and concepts here, and the visuals certainly would have been astounding. However, for such a dark, bleak script, there is a lot of silly shit going on, and a lot of nonsensical scenes and holes in the plot. Also, it doesn't help that Ripley spends most of it either asleep or acting whiny and emo, and most of the interesting scenes happen elsewhere while Ripley and company are trudging through corridors and climbing ladders.
 

KiramidHead

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Return to the Planet of the Apes, by Adam Rifkin - First Revision
This was a pretty fun take on the franchise, full of strong action beats and more than decent characters. Izan is a fairly good villain, and the paralleling of his raising Pax and Duke's relationship with Cornelius is interesting stuff. The ending is tense as hell, too, building to a climax very well. If anything is wrong with this, it's that I don't buy the ape society changing so drastically in just a few decades. They go from living in Bedrock to a full blown Roman style city, the orangutans are all but extinct, and there are tons of humans capable of speech. Also, some of the references to the original are a bit on the nose, Taylor screaming "MANIACS!" etc. I haven't read the slightly longer, earlier draft, so I can't speak as to how all of that was handled was there. Still, this was a good read.
 

CredenceGoblin

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Return to the Planet of the Apes, by Adam Rifkin - First Revision
This was a pretty fun take on the franchise, full of strong action beats and more than decent characters. Izan is a fairly good villain, and the paralleling of his raising Pax and Duke's relationship with Cornelius is interesting stuff. The ending is tense as hell, too, building to a climax very well. If anything is wrong with this, it's that I don't buy the ape society changing so drastically in just a few decades. They go from living in Bedrock to a full blown Roman style city, the orangutans are all but extinct, and there are tons of humans capable of speech. Also, some of the references to the original are a bit on the nose, Taylor screaming "MANIACS!" etc. I haven't read the slightly longer, earlier draft, so I can't speak as to how all of that was handled was there. Still, this was a good read.
On the episode of the Movie Crypt that Rifkin was on, he said that the producers liked his first draft and mainly asked for it to be shortened by ten pages in the first revision.
Funny that the name was changed from Planet of the Apes: A World At War to that of the short-lived animated series Return to the Planet of the Apes.
 

KiramidHead

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On the episode of the Movie Crypt that Rifkin was on, he said that the producers liked his first draft and mainly asked for it to be shortened by ten pages in the first revision.
Funny that the name was changed from Planet of the Apes: A World At War to that of the short-lived animated series Return to the Planet of the Apes.
I think the title change is an improvement, since the only war in the thing is in the first two pages.
 

KiramidHead

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Wonder Woman, by Laeta Kalogridis
This wasn't bad, and had a lot of good elements to it. Steve and Diana are almost co-leads after a fashion, and the love story is fairly decent. Ares is portrayed very well when he's on screen, and the big climactic battle in Themiscyra is pretty cool. The love triangle is pretty useless, though, the exposition early on is a bit heavy handed, and the structure is a bit wonky, which really shouldn't be the case in a fourth draft. I found it interesting how Kalogridis more or less predicted certain elements of future incarnations of the character. She's the daughter of a god here like in the New 52 reboot, and her costume is almost detail for detail the same as the one eventually used in the movie, although she loses the skirt part way through, leaving her with the more classic, swimsuit-esque look.
 

KiramidHead

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Alien III, by David Twohy
The first half of this script is pretty damn good, effectively developing the prison setting of Moloch Island, and decently introduces the characters. The build up with the Rogue Alien attacking the prisoners in their cells is great and very creepy, too. I do think that the script falls off quite a bit after the escape attempt is foiled and the Rogue Alien killed, though, as the remaining conflicts aren't quite as interesting, and the "Newbreed" is too vaguely described to be a particularly effective antagonist for the climax.
 
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KiramidHead

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Sandman, by Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio - Second Draft
It's been quite a few years since I read any of the comics, and I didn't read the whole run, but I thought this was did a pretty good job of capturing the feel of those stories, and all but seamlessly merged the first two story arcs... from what I remember, at least. There are a ton of cool scenes, some memorable moments, and the Corinthian is a creepy villain with a pretty unconventional motivation and plan. If there was any weakness here, it's that some of the side characters introduced in the first act are a tad useless. Paul is especially so, since he disappears for a long while and even the script itself stops to remind the reader who he is. XD This renders the emotional punch his last two or three scenes are meant to have a bit moot, in my opinion.
 

KiramidHead

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Iron Man, by Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, Revisions by David Hayter - 2nd Draft - October 21, 2004

This had a handful of decent action scenes, and that's about it. Tony Stark has had all of his rough edges sanded off. He still drinks in a few scenes, but he's a straight forward good guy from beginning to end here, which really misses the point of what the character is meant to be. The overall plot is lame, too, with prentensions towards commenting on the military-industrial complex and political corruption, and serious father/son drama, but it all falls very flat. And the father vs son fight scene at the end is nothing to write home about. Also, what is with the Iron Man armor constantly losing power and falling to pieces five minutes after he puts it on? I don't get it.
 

KiramidHead

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Ghost Rider 2: Riders on the Storm, by Todd Farmer and Patrick Lussier - Treatment
This had some interesting ideas and neat concepts in it, such as spanning almost the whole of Europe with some neat, real life locations sprinkled in, as well as the exploration of all of the different past Riders. There's definitely potential here, but a few things don't work or feel off to me. The intro with Blaze meeting Deacon Grey, and suddenly they're best buds after five minutes is clunky, and the love interest subplot feels gratuitous at best. Also, I have a hard time buying that the Ghost Rider draws its powers from the skulls of the former riders. If that's the case, where did the first Rider draw his power from? It just doesn't make much sense to me.
 

Mike80

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I checked it out based on your review and i agree, it is pretty fun and crazy script. Not perfect but still pretty good. I still liked Avary's unproduced Driver script more when it comes to his scripts for video game adaptations. I wonder, what would his take on Resident Evil be like back in 90's.
 

KiramidHead

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I checked it out based on your review and i agree, it is pretty fun and crazy script. Not perfect but still pretty good. I still liked Avary's unproduced Driver script more when it comes to his scripts for video game adaptations. I wonder, what would his take on Resident Evil be like back in 90's.
I think the biggest problem with Wolfenstein is that the first act is a bit clunky. The way it randomly cuts from BJ's recruitment to the plane is jarring, the supersoliders at the munitions factory are explained or seen again, and BJ survives that plane explosion without even a hint of an explanation, all drag it down a bit.

I have his Driver script in the queue, but I'm working on his draft of Sandman at the moment.
 

KiramidHead

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Sandman, by Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio and Roger Avary
For the most part, Avary improves on the previous draft. He keeps the same ways that Elliott and Rossio streamlined the plot, and takes it a bit further. The vortex idea is introduced earlier, for instance, which makes for a more cohesive story. The creepy parts are handled even better, and introducing the Corinthian as a Svankmajer-esque puppet is a brilliant idea. It also has a generally darker, bleaker tone to it than Elliott and Rossio's draft. That being said, Avary inserts some jabs at the Hollywood system that aren't exactly subtle, and his description of Hell leaves a bit to be desired. Those are small problems, though, compared to the ending. I have no clue what Avary was thinking there, and it kind of undermines the rest of the story.

Apart from the ending, though (speaking as someone currently reading through the comics), it's still an effective melding of the first two story arcs, with DC Universe connections dropped, the plot threads trimmed and condensed into something more manageable for a film, and the Corinthian holding the ruby instead of Doctor Destiny makes him a much stronger, more threatening villain.
 

KiramidHead

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Eaters of the Dead, by ???? (No writer named on title page) - March 1991
Now, this may be an early Wisher draft, but since no writer is credited, I suppose I'll count this as unproduced. It's very faithful to Crichton's original novel, almost to a fault. Ibn Fadlan's detached POV from the book is preserved in too close a form, IMO. And some scenes were changed in odd ways, like the empty Wendol camp being moved earlier, and the cave attack barely lasting a few pages. I will say that I found the bookends to be surprisingly emotional, though.
 

KiramidHead

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Ghost Rider, by David S. Goyer - 1st Draft - April 11, 2001
This was a pretty good read, and interesting to see how different it was to what it became in Spirit of Vengeance. I thought it was kind of weak, though, in that it never explained precisely what Starke had planned for the child. That and he gave up way too easily at the end. Also, I have no clue what turning into a weird scarecrow man has to do with corrosion powers, but oh well.
 

KiramidHead

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Driver, by Roger Avary
This was an interesting read, and it may have been even more insane than Avary's Wolfenstein script. I actually thought it was a little too insane for its own good, with every scene being as amped up as humanly possible, with a million over the top things going on at once. It really needed to calm down every now and then, as there's barely time to take a breath and get used to the latest setting. And the ending blatantly lifts from Star Trek III and Ninja Turtles 1990, albeit in kind of a fun way. Also, it annoyed me that we never find out who was giving Driver his missions and whatnot.
 

Mike80

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I think that the reason i myself liked it so much is because how fast paced and over the top it gets, like Tanner's last stand or entire ending during which Driver is running around naked and fights with bad guys. Maybe toning it down and making it more realistic would have been interesting, but it being a script for video game adaptation, i think the tone Avary went with is the right one. Either way, i'm sure this was much better than earlier 2002 script in which Paul W.S. Anderson was involved in, and which was written by same three writers who wrote Skinwalkers (2007).